Of Lions and Eagles
by tedyvirysa
Summary: This is a story of what could have happened if Ivan and Mathew united to take over the world, but failed in capturing America and Bulgaria. And guess what: Bulgaria has a stepmother in this fic. Hun Khaganate will also be mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

After I saw some pictures on deviant art about America and Bulgaria I decided to write a fic about that pairing. I mean there is practically no negativity between those two countries and so I decided to try the pairing out. And guess what; I am making Canada evil in this fic. No offense, Canadians, but I doubt that Mathew is all smiles and agreements.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Of Lions and Eagles

Chapter: 1

It was yet again another chaotic world meeting. France, England and America were fighting, Russia was terrorizing the Baltics, and Hungary was beating Prussia up with a frying pan. The other nations were either trying to get out of the war zone or were yelling and trying to preserve the "peace" like Germany who had Italy behind his back. In the meads of the chaos there was one nation who was enjoying the show. Bulgaria would occasionally clap when England tears some of France's beard or adopt a painful expression every time Hungary lends a kick to Prussia's vital regions. When the things escalated and Russia decided to bug the only neutral nation, and by bug I mean shoot at him, Aleksander decided that it was time to go only to see that the front door was locked. Apparently he wasn't the only one startled by this revelation, because the fighting stopped all together and everyone turned to look at a cackling Canada. The potentionally dangerous blond smiled even wider than before.

"Great, you had found the first surprise of this meeting, now if you kindly seat back in your places we could begin." After all the nations were quiet Canada started talking again.

"Now as we all know the world meetings are a complete failure, so Russia and I decided to send you to Siberia, by the way Bulgaria, it's the 15th floor, even if you do jump from the window, you won't survive the fall. Anyway, I don't like the world order as it is now so Ivan and I will be getting your territories and..."

Canada stopped his speech to stare at the broken front door. He had forgotten to chain his brother and now the Bulgarian and he were able to escape. Thank God he figured to chain the others, but he still had to hunt down the escaped nations.

Elsewhere:

Bulgaria was driving like mad throe the streets and towards the airport. America on the other hand was yelling at him to slow down before they become a road kill, Aleksander, of course didn't listen. This was Russia that was hunting and shooting at them at the moment; even the slightest slowing will led them in Ivan's hands. When they were finally able to loose Ivan, get to the airport, hijack a plane and get it out of the Canadian territories they finally realized the situation they were in.

"Wow that was crazy. Who knew that Canada could be a psycho? And allying with Russia none than less, what had I done to deserve this? "

Aleksander just rolled his eyes; no point in telling the blond what he didn't wanted to hear. But why did Alfred ran away with him instead of someone else was a mystery. He definitely didn't do it out of good grace that was for sure.

"So, America, why did you bust me out of there?"

The American gulped, if he told Bulgaria his selfish reason he was definitely receiving a kick to the vital regions, but if he didn't tell he was probably going to be yelled at for wasting time. Yelling was definitely better than the kick, but he was America, a kick won't scare him!

"Because I am the HERO...and I don't have any hiding places, I showed them all to Canada when he last visited and since you were near the door I decided to grab you and hightail it out of here, so, um... where to?"

Bulgaria face pawned himself and told America to land in Burgas. When they did they took a train to Blagoevgrad. America wanted to get a car, but Aleksander stopped him by saying that it was too far. The train ride was a long and boring one. America couldn't possibly understand why Bulgaria wasn't even making an effort to start a conversation. He, America, had saved a nation from the clutches of the evil Commy and his brainwashed brother, that meant that he at least deserved said nation to talk to him, never mind all that he had done for the ex-Nazi/Commy up until now!

"Hey, Bulgaria, what are you reading?"

Bulgaria sight, here they go again.

"A magazine."

America's interest picked up.

"What kind?"

Bulgaria just gave America the magazine and pulled another one.

"A comedy one with fun facts for other nations, check it out, it will kill your boredom and give me some peace and quiet."

Alfred started reading the article with the occasional chuckles.

Macedonia:

A country Tito made up to piss off Greeks and Bulgarians.

Tito: You know what would really piss off those fuckers? If I made a country called Macedonia.  
Stalin: LOL, that's awesome!

Greek:

A person who is very kind and cool at heart. Very fun to party with. A person who has a high taste for OUZO and other hard liquor that you only need one shot to get drunk. They also like to break plates, eat a lot (at least 17 meals a day), and talk a lot and extremely loud. Also all Greeks are born with a natural instinct to hate, hunt and kill Turks.

Italy

Italian (thinking about football) says:

"Italians are the best in the world!"  
Rest of the World (thinking about, economy, aviation, military organization, transports, modern architecture, technology, engineering, basketball, baseball, tennis, Olympics, and so on...) says:

"Are you sure?"

USSR:

The best team on World in Conflict.

And the USSR would have been successful nation if their government hadn't been nutters  
Also they technically won the space race

1.) They own The Americans and NATO on world in conflict  
2.)The USSR would have been successful if they hadn't spent all their money on the damn space race

Acronym for:  
United  
Shit  
Stain  
Republic

Serbia: Dude I joined the USSR!  
Bulgaria: ....that sucks.

Constantinople:

A totally fagged out place located on the sea of mammary that divides the black sea and the Mediterranean. Constantine thought it was tight so he made it the second capitol of the Roman Empire. He made it all like an umber fort city, and eventually built walls which Justinian would later expand on.

Byzantine synonyms:

Backstabber, power-hungry bloody git, smart guy.

Bulgaria:

A country founded in 681 that had been fucking Byzantines, Greeks, Serbians, Turks, and other kinds of shit since then. But apparently he did that one too many times and got screwed over by the Byzantines and later the Turks. Makes huge mistakes with arrange marriages the result of which latter come with armies, demanding for the crown.

Example: Sviatoslav I of Kiev, Basil II the Bulgar-slayer of Byzantine and so on...

Extremely vain, likes drinking strong alcohol such as Rakia.

USA:

Conqueror, wants more oil, his former boss was trying to use a medieval "God told me to!" excuse to justify his wars, eats hamburgers. His youth is going on for 300 years.

Commy:

1. A name used by any republican describing anyone who is not American

2. A name used by old American men describing anyone they don't like

3. A name used by old American men describing any Russian person or someone with Russian descent  
Alfred reread the last lines. That's it? That was all this shitty magazine had to offer for him, the Hero? He had really thought that they could appreciate him more! He returned the, now offending, magazine to its rightful owner. With that the uncomfortable silence started once again. Then Alfred remembered what he had read about the Bulgarian, could Aleksander really have done that? He knew that Bulgaria was no saint, but still...it would be totally weird if he had. What that guy had done really shouldn't be any of his biasness, but America's natural curiosity made him ask.

"So, Bulgaria, did you really did all this stuff?"

Bulgaria looked up from the article he was reading and raised an eyebrow at the blushing Alfred. He started reading the magazine again while answering with a bored tone.

"I did actually in both ways, still do, is there a problem?"

America stared at his companion for a while and gulped. Not another pervert! Few minutes passed and the Bulgarian didn't turn a page. America's curiosity once again decided to take full control over his other senses and he went to Aleksander to see what was happening. He found out that Bulgaria had fallen asleep. He looked so peaceful that America almost could have sworn that he was an angel if it wasn't for the slight droll that was coming out of Aleksander's mouth. Without thinking Alfred cleaned it with a napkin. When he was about to pull his hand he stopped, why should he pull away anyway, Bulgaria was asleep, he could watch Aleksander's face for a little longer. He really shouldn't be doing this thou, Bulgaria was the only ally he had that wasn't captured, he definitely didn't want to stay on his own in such a war where the rest of the world was defenseless. America pulled away and laid Bulgaria on the bunk and put covers over him. He returned to his place and switched the lights off. It was nigh and he really should be sleeping instead of watching Bulgaria sleep, but maybe he could stay awake for just a little longer and then fell asleep, ya, that definitely sounded like a plan.

**The pairings in this story will be many, but I decided to use AmericaxBulgaria and RussiaxCanada for starters. Hope you enjoy, don't forget to review.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Of Lions and Eagles

Chapter: 2

In the middle of the night Bulgaria woke up felling uncomfortable, he certainly didn't remembered tucking himself in. As he drank some water he pondered on his next move; he couldn't hide in his own lands, it was too dangerous for his people. Aleksander couldn't expect America to agree on hiding in his lands either, he may act innocent but he was no fool. What then? Stay in his mountains until things cooled down was out of question, Russia knew about the roads and villas there anyway. If Aleksander wasn't mistaken the terrene outside was the one near Plovdiv, good, he had a house and a jet there, he just had to grab his stuff and fly off to somewhere...Antarctica perhaps? No, becoming an ice sculpture was not a good plan. Well he might as well wake the sleepy head up and get out of here before they pass the town. Aleksander pretending that he was looking for something in hopes to wake up the American by the noise and not shock him, but it didn't work. Bulgaria carefully touched the bed and called America's name first quietly, then louder and louder, but to no avail, well enough being nice! With that Bulgaria grabbed America's pillow and with one fast tug removed it from its place, that didn't failed to wake up the American who looked in all sides and then glared at Bulgaria who was still holding the pillow.

"What was that for, Aleks?"

Bulgaria just smirked and told America that they were nearing their destination, to which America glared even more; demanding to become the leader of their group. That halted Bulgaria in his steeps. It was always the same story; he gets a friend, that friend help him out, he helps said friend out in return and then the friend wants to own him, well that was until they found out he was a double agent and will eventually betray them. Was his friendship with America going to go to Hell the same way? He didn't want that, hell Germany was still angry at him about WW2 and everyone knew that. Alfred noticed the inner turmoil written all over Bulgaria's face and dropped the subject.

"So what are we going to do exactly? Bulgaria...why are you laughing?"

Indeed the Bulgarian had started laughing and clutching his stomach from the pain, Aleksander gave America the same magazine from before and continued to laugh.

Two cows Jokes:

SOCIALISM:  
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM:  
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some  
milk.

FASCISM:  
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some  
milk.

NAZISM:  
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:  
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the  
other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:  
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a  
bull. Your  
herd multiplies, and  
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. You sell  
one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later,  
you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the  
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and  
market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,  
eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:  
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break  
for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.  
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them  
again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open  
another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:  
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others  
for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You  
claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman  
who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN EGYPTIAN CORPORATION:  
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mubarak!!!!

By the time America finished reading he was clutching his stomach and laughing like there was no tomorrow, thus joining Bulgaria on the floor who was still laughing like mad. After few minutes or so they stopped laughing and just laid there.

"You know Alfred, I have no idea of where we should go next, you?"

America rolled over so he could use Bulgaria's chest as a pillow.

"An island, perhaps? Aleks, what do you say we go to one of Japan's islands or the Bermuda triangle, won't that be cool?"

Bulgaria just sight. Dialing with the blonde's enthusiasm was annoying him.

"Alfred answer me that; after we get in the Bermuda triangle, how are we going to leave it?"

America's expressions become an angry one. He entangled his fingers with Bulgaria's and griped them hard.

"Who said that I would even want to leave from there, or that I will let you leave me? We are both in on this, if I'm going to be stranded on a deserted island while my psycho brother and his insane boyfriend are ruling over the world then you are coming and staying with me! You know what Aleksander, even if this mess does clear up and Canada comes back to normal, you're not going to leave me because I WANT YOU TO STAY AND THAT'S FINAL!"

Bulgaria gave America a tired smile and kissed his hand.

"Now, now, was your shouting really necessary, you want friends, I understand that, but staying with you? That, darling Alfred, will happen only in your dreams. You aren't the first and certainly not the last one that wants this type of thing of me, but I won't chain myself to another person, no matter how much they yell or attack me, I'm not boyfriend material. Beside that I'm too old for you."

At that America's anger reached the boiling point, maybe just maybe he will have more luck with Aleksander if he follows Russia's methods. They may be cruel but if kindness doesn't work maybe it was time for some cruelty? Or maybe he should do something else, why not contact his brother; ask for a part of the alliance with Russia and then get Bulgaria all to himself? The Balkan nation wasn't as strong as him, so this was probably the best solution. He was about to handcuff Bulgaria and proceed with his plan when he received a kick to the vital regions and was flipped underneath the Bulgarian who was smirking at him.

"Alfred, I'll give you a word of advice, never leave your vitals unprotected, especially if there is a possibility of you getting kicked and handcuffed, довиждане мили~."

With a wink and a blow kiss the Bulgarian was out of the cabin and out of the train, he was alone again, just like in the good old times. While Aleksander was cheerfully walking in the streets of Plovdiv and towards his "winter house" America was practically rising Hell in the Train station asking anyone if they had seen Aleksander, too bad that most of them didn't paid him any attention or passed him of as drunkard. As America phoned Canada he was thinking of many things, getting Aleksander to see and admit that he needed a hero was one of them.

When Canada finished talking with his brother he smiled evilly, so Bulgaria got himself a stalker without trying, how typical. Mathew looked at the other side of his bed where Russia lay asleep; Ivan will be more than happy with this development. The other nations weren't even rebelling! As Canada cuddled closer to Russia, he was imagining the all the torture he could inflict upon the other nation via Hannah Montana's songs, they will all fear him after he use those things as a torture tool, them and the book "Twilight"! Mhuhahahaha!

Elsewhere:

In the camp in the middle of nowhere the different nations were doing everything they can to escape. The Asian family was trying to dig a tunnel with plastic spoons, Germany was trying to make a digging device out of coconuts, and can you really blame him, he did indeed succeeded in making a car out juice carton boxes, why not make something out of coconuts as well? England was trying to make a bridge from the island they were on to a place that was considered civilization using magic. Unfortunately he ended up seething France on fire, not that the Brit was dissatisfied with that result. France, the Italy brothers, Spain and Greece were cooking for the entire camp after they managed to forbid England from ever cooking; no one wanted to die from food poisoning, after all. Most of the other countries were out there hunting; some of these countries were Turkey, Hungary, ___Belarus, Iran, Sweden, Switzerland and Denmark. The others were either trying to turn the land into something that will at least give them some vegetables or building a village of some sort. All and all the nations were pretty much successful and in harmony with one another, but of course nothing lasts forever and so the abounded nations resived a letter from Russia, it said:_

_Dear Comrades,_

_I am happy that you all stopped being such capitalistic assholes and as a reward I will provide you with some information._

_America saw the right path few hours ago and now he is on our side, that leaves you all with the hopes of Bulgaria saving you~!_

_This won't happen since he is in hiding and will soon have no choice but to join the Great Union as well._

_You will all rot in that island till the rest of your days, that's wonderful, da?_

_You're now are all one with me, Canada and America!_

_Hope you are all hang yourself from tree branches after you read this~!_

_Love/Hate_

_Ivan~_

Cries of sorrow and panic filled the island; they were all doomed!

Meanwhile Bulgaria was writing his will, why you may ask? Well it finally occurred to him that he was now up against the entire world; he couldn't surrender either, what was the point of running in the first place if he could just surrender, anyway? Trying to get the world back to normal with his army was ridicules idea that was doomed to fail...but he could always use his spy/double agent skills to destroy the union! He had succeeded in ending Byzantine this way, he'll do it again! To add to that he brought a curse to his enemies and allies, a curse good old Attila was oh, so generous to provide him with. God bless that crazy crack head! With a big smile on his face Bulgaria went to get himself equipped, it was time for him to show the world just how much of a turncoat devil he really is!

History notes:

Attila is the founder of the Dulo clan that was the first royal Bulgarian family!

Seriously everyone who had ever messed with Bulgaria during the medieval ages and before that had eventually disappeared as a country/tribe and by that I mean they aren't as they use to be, have successors but aren't called the way they use to be and so on. Byzantine, Avar Khagan, Frankish Empire, Pechenegs, Kiev Russ, Volga Bulgaria, Germania, HRE, Great Moravia, The Golden Horde, you know the Mongol one, Hun Khaganate(Poor Hun Khaganate had to step away and give Bulgaria a chance to shine...step away permanently!) The Slavs from the Seven Slavic Tribes, Thracians (or what was left of them anyway), Empire of Nicaea, Latin Empire, Empire of Trebizond (The last three were Byzantines successors, but they never united, because Bulgaria kept on creating arguments among them and using them as puppets.) and many more. Do you seriously think that this is normal? Attila probably had something to do with this, according to Historical sources; Attila was the first Bulgarian Khan.

Notes:

довиждане мили-Goodbye darling/dear

Expect some spy action from Bulgaria from the next chapter and some more RussiaxCanada loving!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Hetalia!

Of Lions and Eagles

While America was hacking into Bulgaria's network system he couldn't help but grin. He had been challenged, by the most unlikely person, but challenged none than less. As he typed in some more of the codes necessary for the stopping of electricity and water in Bulgaria's territories he grinned wider, soon Aleksander will have no choice but to come out of hiding and become one with him! But then Alfred nearly few from his chair, that was impossible, according to the computer instead of stopping Bulgaria's water and electricity he had stopped Russia's! But he had typed in the right codes, with the right commands, he shouldn't have made a mistake...unless, someone had hacked him. Damn that Aleksander, now Russia will blame America for the power blackout and even kick him out of the union, or worse, he will send him to that God forsaken island! Alfred knew he was just played for a fool and his anger grew even more when he saw Aleksander's massage on the now black screen.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little blond,  
How you wonder what've I done.  
Up above the world so cruel,  
like an eagle in the sky.  
Twinkle, twinkle, little blond,  
How you wonder what I'll wreak!  
_

_When the blazing sun is gone,  
when there's nothing, I come.  
Then you show your little claws.  
Twinkle, twinkle, not for long.  
Twinkle, twinkle, little blond.  
How I wonder where you are!_

_In the dark blue sky so deep  
through the prison bars often peeps  
for you never close your eyes.  
The morning sun won't rise.  
Twinkle, twinkle, little blond  
How I wonder what you are._

_Twinkle, twinkle, little blond.  
Your nightmare has just begun!_

America closed the laptop, but then he sniffed the air, it was...strange. Then his eyes widen, the room was filing in with gas! He made a mad dash for the door only to see that it was locked, with every passing second the room was becoming a gas chamber, he returned to the laptop to see that there was another message.

_Scared yet? If so press "Enter", if not...well I do believe you know what happens in a gas chamber._

America pressed "Enter" and waited for another message to appear, instead of it he felt a gun pressed against his head.

"How did you even got into the room Aleks?"

Bulgaria chuckled and snaked his free hand around Alfred's waist and planted a small trail of kisses down his neck, smiling at the small victory he had over the other nation. Poor America really chose the wrong person to play cat and mouse with, Bulgaria paused for a second when he felt a gun pressed against his head and then deepened his kisses. Nothing better than danger mixed with passion. And that challenge the blond carried with him, the ability to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat it was so alluring, as alluring as war, you know you will suffer great looses at the end but that doesn't stop you from starting the war, if anything it made it even more worthy than before. A sadistic smile was formed on Aleksander's face when Alfred pinned him to a wall, seeing the blond's confused eyes that held so much lust and hate was the rush he had searched for so long, ah the poor young nation was attracted to him like a moth to a flame, he couldn't really blame him, he had the same traitorous emotion towards the blond.

"So, Alfred, you caught me, what are we going to do now? Oh and before you ask, I'm not going to lower my gun."

America stared at his smirking companion, what was with that arrogant git that made him want to make him his? His stubbornness, no if that was the case he would have gone for England instead, his arrogance, nah there were quite a lot of nations with arrogance similar to the one Bulgaria was showing him, but they were much more submissive, understanding...they were liars. Bunch of bootlickers that wanted to see him dead but stayed quiet about it, creeping in the shadows, waiting for a slip up, anything that could give them an edge in a war against him. Bulgaria...he didn't even knew what the guy wanted; friendship, companionship, power, no one knew what exactly, the masochistic ass was too much of an emotional mess to figure out. Maybe the mysterious and dangerous aura hidden by the mask of friendship was the thing that brought people to the strange brunette, America had wondered more than once what was Bulgaria's true self, but every time he tried to find out he got to see a new mask instead.

"Well then, why don't you show me your true self?"

Bulgaria blinked and send the other nation a smirk that could only be compared to the Devil's.

"But I'm doing just that, or are you too blind to see it? Maybe I need to open your eyes for you? Because you are definitely either blind or naive, surely you don't actually trust your brother, do you? Don't you know, you silly boy, that the most successful back stabbings had always been delivered by a family member? And please don't give me that shit about blood being ticker than water, in the end they aren't really that different. So tell me Alfred, do you want to resume our attempts to free the other nations or will you wait for your dear brother to dispose of you? I could frankly care less either way."

America gridded his teeth, how dare Bulgaria say tings like that, didn't he knew how incredibly cruel his words sounded? How could he continue to be so damn arrogant, he wasn't even in control of the situation and he still though that he could boss him around, damn him! Aleksander was now at his mercy, he could easily make him stay, even if it was forceful, but, hadn't he tried that already? No, if force couldn't work the first time than it won't work now either. What then, trying to make Bulgaria fall for him would only result in another mask.

"OK then, Aleks, tell me if I throw away my current stability to go on a suicidal mission with you, what will I get in return?"

"Lets see, I know precisely what you want, dear Alfred, but unlike the other nations I won't simply bend over and let you have your way with me. Well I guess you will have to settle for everyone's gratitude when we free them."

America pouted.

"Gratitude? But I want a kiss, just one everyday; I won't turn it into anything kinky I promise!"

"Fine then."

Bulgaria rose on his tiptoes and gently kissed America's forehead. The blond grudgely pulled away from Bulgaria, calling him a tease, to which the Balkan nation responded by playfully raffling Alfred's hair.

Elsewhere:

Canada was trying to calm Russia down who all but had a heart attack upon seeing his enraged sister running towards him. Matthew had immediately understood that it was a hologram and not the real thing but for Ivan it was as real as it gets. So here Canada was, petting the other nation, whispering words of comfort in his ears and cuddling with him. But no matter how hard Canada tried Russia was horror stricken and was acting like a panicked child. There was practically nothing Matthew hadn't tried to get his boyfriend out of his terror. The Canadian picked up his distressed lover and carried him to the bedroom. After he put Ivan under the covers he sat in a chair and started watching the door.

"Don't worry, Ivan, Natalia is not here and even if she is I'll keep watch over you while you sleep so that she won't be able to do anything to you, my love."

Russia smiled his adorable content smile.

"You'll be my knight in shining armor then, and you will protect me from the evil dragon Natalia forever, da?"

"Yes, Vanya, forever."

As Russia finally fell asleep, Matt smiled, live it to Ivan-chan to show the world what cute really meant.

_Ideas are welcome! _


	4. Chapter 4

Of Lions and Eagles

After America and Bulgaria stopped acting childish, America glared at Bulgaria.

"Were you honestly going to let me die, Aleksander?"

When he received no answer Alfred furrowed his brows. How dared Bulgaria ignore him! Alfred was about to shout again when he was stopped by a pair of lips on his own, then Alfred smirked and handcuffed Aleksander to a chair. The other quickly opened his eyes and adopted an expression that simply screamed: "What the Hell?" America chuckled and baited Aleksander's neck.

"Who is the boss now, Aleks?"

"Russia."

America stared at him.

"What?"

"He meant to say that I'm standing behind you comrade! It was really mean of you to cause a power blackout Alfred, and here I thought that we could be friends, oh well I don't like you anyway!"

With that Ivan knocked out both nations. Russia thought what he should do with them for awhile and then decided to just send Bulgaria to the island with the other nations and throw America in jail, although Ivan wanted to give Alfred a piece of his mind, Canada would be angry at him after that and he seriously didn't wanted that!

Later Bulgaria was ruddily awaken by very angry and disappointed nations that showed clear sighs of panic, the reason was a white haired, blue eyed woman that was standing a little furder than the rest with icy-blue miasma coming out of her. Upon seeing the woman Aleksander immediately recognized her as his, and now apparently everyone else's, worst nightmare and of course he acted the way any man would if they meet their stepmother that had driven their father to suicide: he ran and started swimming in the ocean towards what he believed was as far from the hell spawn as he could get. Much to his horror he found out that there was a barrier around the island, a barrier surrounded by a natural lava river...Bulgaria took one look at the lava, another at his stepmother, who looked positively pissed and then decided that the magma wasn't that dangerous, he was about to dove underwater and see if there was a way around the lava river when he was suddenly pulled away from it by a robot who dragged him to the shore and if robots could smirk, Bulgaria could have swore that this one did just that. Completely terrified and shaking Aleksander was throwed on the shore and near his demon of a stepmother.

"So, my son, we meet again after all those years you didn't even care to call to check up on your dear mother's health, what a bad son you are!"

Bulgaria's brows twitched with anger and he rose to his feat.

"First of, Siberia, I'm not your son, I'm your stepson! Second of, you're not the best mother, you hell spawn, why should I try to be a good son? And last but not least, why should I bother checking up on your health, the Devil protects his children."

Siberia laughed highly and ruffled Bulgaria's wet hair.

"Now, now my son, why don't you stop speaking such hurtful words to mommy before she is force to tell all your friends about your childhood's most embarrassing illness? Now go and put some dry clothes, you're starting to resemble a wet dog."

After she gave him the clothes the aged woman walked away, making rude remarks about children lack of respect for their parents and such other nonsense. Bulgaria on the other hand was more than pissed and was definitely trying to destroy everything in his path, too bad for his dying ego that everything was made out of coconuts shells which really hurt upon breaking, especially if you step on their remains, something that the Bulgarian just had to do to restrain himself from killing his stepmother. Even though he really wanted to, that woman was practically indestructible and it had taken Hun Khaganate an entire army just to run away from her. He could just see the titles about his brother's heroic or not so heroic deed, depending on whatever you consider running away, almost forgetting your siblings and coming back for them when you figure out that your stepmother could use them to bring you back into the house:

_Stepmother Hunter: Go in the frozen wasteland and watch as one man gets close to nature and risks getting his head bitten off by one of mankind's oldest and fiercest enemies! In the main roles: Hun Khaganate and Siberia! _

_Oprah: Dr. Phil discusses the phenomenon of "Reverse Claustrophobia" (the uncontrollable desire to lock yourself in a room or closet when your stepmother visits.)_

_Survivor: Stay at home and vote to keep the stepmothers in the frozen wasteland forever._

_Home Shopping Club: DIL SURVIVAL KIT - Items for sale includes a new lock and key for your front door, duct tape, caller ID boxes, and ear plugs. Thinks without which no one shall survive their stepmother's visit, it can be used for mother-in-law's visits as well!_

_Stepmother Family Feud: Most of us have been playing this game ever since she got engaged to our father. Whenever you say something, your stepmother tries to top it._

_WWF: See the champ in the ring with your stepmother. Can she go the distance? Dirty looks and snide comments won't knock out these tough opponents. Today's match:_

_Roman Empire vs Siberia!_

_We are sorry to say that Roman Empire has escaped and the match has been canceled...but look Siberia is chasing after him, maybe we will have a match after all!_

_House of Fashion: Today's topic – The old bag._

_Olympic Track and Field: Watch as ordinary men and women set new world records for speed while running away from their stepmothers. Our current champion is Hun Khaganate; do you think that you could save yourself and your siblings like he did, if so come and compete, if not...God have mercy on your soul. _

_Judging stepmother: Why not? She judges you._

_Stepsons and Order - Special Victims Unit: Investigators probe horrid offenses committed by stepmothers that have left the victims devastated, and destroyed their lives._

_Today's science: See the lattes discoveries concerning your stepmother's "wellbeing". Here is the ideal weight for a stepmother:_ _About 2.3lbs, including the urn. And where not to bury your stepmother: If a guy was able to get revived in Jerusalem then you can't take the risk with your stepmother, cut your losses and send her back home._

_Fun Corner: _

_Why would you rather deal with a vicious dog than you're stepmother? _

_A vicious dog eventually lets go! (Said by Hun Khaganate after he won the "Olympic Track and Field") _

Too bad that his brother failed in killing her and left the horrible monster alive and still in its natural habitat, where it could gain more strength, rude remarks and complain material. Ah, he missed his brother so much, while he was still alive he made all the decisions along side with his one and only boss and there were no politics. Why did they even needed more than one boss, anyway? The name of those strange creatures alone should have stopped them from wanting to give them a chance to rule, but no, since Byzantine had them; everyone else wanted them as well. He should have listen to Germania when the blonde was telling him that in Latin "poli" meant _many_ and "tics" meant _blood sucking creatures_, but no he hadn't listen to the blond and now he was regretting it, not that he would have faired any better without politics. His stepmother would have turned his life a living Hell with, or without their help. But still he had enough dealing with the whiny evil incarnate; she wasn't even his mother and was already embarrassing him in front of the other nations, who were lucky enough to not have any leaving ancestors, in times like this Aleksander was seriously considering the possibility that God was keeping his stepmother alive just to spite him! When he finished taking a shower and dressing up he examined himself in the mirror and relaxed a little, his personal tormentor may be evil, but she certainly wasn't evil enough to embarrass him via clothes, although they were kind of plain; just grey cargo shorts, a plain green polo T-shirt, of which he left the collar unzipped, and a pair of black sandals. Okay..._maybe just maybe_, his stepmother wasn't that bad, but he still didn't wanted to take any chances, after all his father put an end to his own misery and everyone knew that the misery was given to him by his second wife: Siberia. Said step mother was tapping her foot with irritation and was waiting for her stepson to come out while she was holding her other stepson by the collar. Macedonia looked at his brother pleadingly for awhile and then resumed his struggles against their family's tyrant.

"Took you long enough to dress up, well since everyone else has a job on this island and is responsible for it's economy you will have to find yourself a job too, but since I know you don't work unless its some of your spy games I recommended you for hacking into Russia, Canada or USA's database and lifting that annoying barrier! So stop being lazy and get to work, **NOW**!"

With an annoyed expression Bulgaria promptly shut the door in her face and snacked out of the back entrance, the day he was going to fallow her orders was the day he will shoot himself! Unfortunately for him there was nothing but jungle in front if him, well the jungle was better than his stepmother. The creatures there at least had the decency to wait for him to die before they ate his heart out! While Bulgaria was walking along the small jungle path he saw something glittering on the forest floor, how it could even glitter when practically no light could come throe the tree branches was beyond him but still, he had to check it out. He carefully approached the shiny object only to see it was a human skull...okay, so there were other inhabitants on this island, no big deal. He continued on his way and spotted more and more human remains, the other inhabitants couldn't bury their dead, so what, it's not like the soil was very easy to work with, anyway. Then someone griped his leg, it was a weird hand and at some places the bone was showing, the hand was clearly infected.

"Don't...go."

Bulgaria looked at the face of the person that was telling him this; it slightly resembled a human one, but just like the hand had many wounds.

"Don't go there...dangerous...they search for people like you, they won't let you leave, don't go."

"Who are "they"?"

"I don't know, they attacked me and left me for dead, don't go any furder, return to where you came from, just before you go put me out of my misery, please it hurts and..."

Aleksander smashed his skull and scolded, so that's were he left one of his laboratories, when he find the incompetent fool that let the experiments actually running away he was going to gut his head off! When will those morons understand that when he told them that everything happening in a laboratory should be kept in said laboratory he meant everything, including the experiments! If any of the other nations were to meet this fool they were going to declare him war before he could blink, but what if there was some sort of a trouble with the laboratory? He had to check it out. He all but sprinted towards the direction of which the lab was, or after a small glance at the ruins that stood in its place, what was left of it. Aleksander desperately tried to remember if there was something dangerous in that lab, which was pointless since every single one of his labs were filled with dangerous stuff to the brim. Why, oh why did this have to happen to him, he was doing this in the name of a noble cause: Siberia's death! Were his attempts doomed to fail just like everyone else's? And beside that all the experiments were suppose to be on animals, why was there a human half eaten and bleeding on the forest floor then? Bulgaria felt a tongue lick his left check and then he heard America speaking to him.

"Hey, Aleks you won't believe what happened to me after I was able to get out of Russia's clutches! I come to this island, searching for you and then some men in lab coats come and get me in a lab, then they injected me with some chemicals and I started growing claws, fangs and quite the, how should I put it, unnatural appetite. They got really scared and I got really angry, so I attacked them and had a little bite of one of them and I liked it, it was better than hamburgers, so I got another bite and then another until there was nothing left of them, but one was able to escape and I couldn't finish my meal! Have you seen him? And please stop shaking I'm not going to do anything to you...okay I'm lying, if you don't behave I will _**eat you up**_."

Aleksander gulped, not good, definitely not good. America becoming a mutant or whatever the hell he was now was not a good thing for the people involved. He sure as hell was praying to God that the blond was joking about the "meal" part, because he definitely had fangs and claws.

Sorry for the slight horror at the end, but I just felt like writing it. And, ya I always thought of Siberia as Bulgaria's stepmother because in some Historical books its said the Bulgarian people had come from Siberia, in others from Caucasus Mountains and third say they are from Illyria and I simply decided to pick Siberia for the bossy stepmother. Ideas are welcomed! 


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, expect quite the twists in the story; I just love doing the opposite of what is expected of the situation.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Of Lions and Eagles

Bulgaria had to remember his number one rule while negotiating with a failed experiment, stay quiet and wait for the experiment to start talking. Said failed experiment was more than happy to hover above him and look at him as if he was his next meal. Bulgaria prayed to God to simply get him out of the mess, but since he was obviously lying when promising things Aleksander's situation only became worse. The only emotions that passed throe the American's face were lust and hunger and a little bit of confusion...what was happening now, was Alfred actually deciding between eating him and shagging him? Damn blond! Oh why didn't he just handed himself over to Russia when he had the chance? This "freeing mission" had officially gone to Hell, Canada and Russia were ruling over the world, the other nations were trying to make a new civilization in a microscopic island. America was either a cannibal, a succubus or worse, a cross between the two, and he was pinned to the remains of what used to be a lab table, by said abomination none than less...yes he had failed big time. If only he had listened to Germany and kept out of the science secret biasness the last two wouldn't have happened. He tightened his fists when he felt Alfred groping him but still looked at him as if he was his meal...great he had made a theory and it had turned out right, definitely a mix between succubus and a cannibal, what were his scientist thinking when they injected the blond with only God knows what? Aleksander's eyes widened when Alfred pulled a small black notebook, Aleksander immediately recognized it as his spy book and tried to snatch it away from Alfred only to have sharp claws digged in his shoulder and pining it back down on the table. Bulgaria whimpered in pain when Alfred twisted his claws and digged them furder in his flesh.

"Keep still before I decide to return you the favor for the gas chamber episode, why don't you want me to read it? What are you hiding?"

Bulgaria glared at his capturer and didn't answer; America just rolled his eyes and started to read.

**Military and other stuff about the other nations...**

**Reaction to Snakes**  
1. Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.  
2. Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.  
3. Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.  
4. Infantry: "Look, a tabby cat. Come 'ere kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a tabby cat."  
5. Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Couldn't find the snake. Back to base for crew rest in the club with some sort of drink called "The Snake."

6. Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.

7. 2nd Ranger: Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.  
8. MI: analyzes all available intelligence and national asset input on the reptilian situation; reports sighting of Godzilla to National Command Authority.  
9. JAG: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.  
10. Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a Found on Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.  
11. Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, "UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.  
12. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.  
13. Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.  
14. Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.  
15. Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.  
16. AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.  
17. AF Para rescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, and then feverishly works to save the snake's life.  
18. Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, and then trains it to kill other snakes.

**Communication Breakdown...**  
The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."  
1. The Army will put guards around the place.  
2. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.  
3. The Air Force will take out a 5-year leave with an option to buy.  
4. The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

**Shit: Through the Eyes of the Military****  
** 1. An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back, 15-lb. weapon in his hand, having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is shit."  
2. An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from a plane and jogged 18 miles, says with a smile, "This is good shit."  
3. A Navy Seal lies in the mud, 55-pound pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp, and running 25 miles at night past enemy positions, says with a grin, "This is really great shit."  
4. A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65-pound pack on his back and weapons in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this shit."  
5. An Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air-conditioned, carpeted office in front of his computer and says, "My e-mail is out? What kind of shit is this?"

_I find it hard to believe that those people are actually sane._

**Assassin test**  
_I am writhing this summery of an interview for an __assassin position__ I witness at America's place. _

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists; two men and a woman.  
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"  
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."  
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."  
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shoots were heard, one shoot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

_Note to self: Don't spy on America's female assassins; no matter what they say 1300 years old is an age that is still not qualified as an old enough to die._

**Things to Remember During War: **  
1. "Aim towards the Enemy." [Instruction printed on US rocket launcher]  
2. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is no longer our friend. [From a US Field Manual]  
3. Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.  
4. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.  
5. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.  
6. If your attack is going too well, you are walking into an ambush.  
7. If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.  
8. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.  
9. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.

10. No inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.  
11. Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . once.  
12. If the enemy is in range, so are you.  
13. Tracers work both ways.  
14. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.  
15. Five second fuses only last three seconds.  
16. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.  
17. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.  
18. Incoming fire has the right of way.  
19. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.  
20. If you can see the enemy, he can see you too.  
21. Never tell your Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

22. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.

23. And most importantly: **You're not Tom Cruise.**

**Iraq**

The problem with the Iraqi army was that they were using Russian defense tactics:  
1. Engage the enemy.  
2. Draw him into your territory.  
3. Wait until winter sets in.

**China learned this:**

_I write this list after I got the entire truth out of China via tickle torture._

Top ten things China learned by examining America's spy plane:

10. American codes can be broken by anyone with a basic understanding of Pig Latin  
9. On-board computers were mainly used for Internet casino and video poker  
8. According to plaque, "When Bush gives order, nod politely, and then wait to hear what Cheney says"  
7. Cockpit is full of Colt 45 bottles  
6. Mission was to determine if Chinese people can fly like in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"  
5. "Cloaking device" button only there because pilot's a "Star Trek" fan  
4. Maybe not the best idea to write "Spy plane" on wings  
3. The plane's sole security feature: an angry kitty  
2. Plane is so high-tech lavatories feature futuristic blue water!  
1. Americans smell like Doritos and Aqua Velva.

**America's evil plan.**

_I copied this from America's computer...after I hacked it and framed __Iraq, of course_.

Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a matter of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent. Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York! _**The decline has begun.**_ Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to my ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents, they are still save. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers, my ratio is reversed. But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and 6 British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan. If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even my balance of trade than to send Japan my costliest surplus commodity?

_Hm, not a bad plan but maybe he need to export TV shows like ``Perry Mason'' and ``LA Law'' and ensure that they are widely broadcasted. Once Japanese children grow up wanting to become lawyers they are finished! _

America throwed the small notebook in fury and gripped both of Bulgaria's shoulders, digging his claws in them and drawing blood.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, YOUR LAUGHING STOCK? YOU BROWN EYED BACKSTABER, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU BEFORE WE GOT IN THIS MESS? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! BUT APPERENTLY YOU DID QUITE A LOT AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNEW! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS THE MOST? **ANSWEAR ME DAMN IT!"**

"You want an answer, fine then I'll tell you. Me not agreeing to side with Russia and getting myself in this mess, that's what sucks the most! Instead of taking the secure way out I just had to go and interfere with his plans, don't look at me like that, the look of betrayal doesn't suits you."

Alfred's face became blank, he couldn't putt up with this anymore, everyone was out to get him. Why was he even trying so hard anyway, in the end he gained nothing but disappointment and now he even lost his human traits and for what? For a person that hated him, to hell with this, if no one wanted to be with him than he wasn't going to try anymore, let them rot it wasn't his problem anymore. Alfred stood up and just walked away, this was it, no more emotional games, no more betrayal he will finally be free of the burden of those around him, they won't stop him now. He headed in the direction of the camp with the full intend to cause the other nations as much grieve and suffering as they had caused him. Those damn coldhearted selfish nation that had made him fight ever since he was a child, how could have they done this to him? They thought that they were doing it for his good, that by using his help and then stabbing him in the back they were teaching him of the true world order that they were making him stronger. But the only thing they accomplished in the end was to create a powerful nation for the sole purpose of continuing their own existence. Aleksander may have been the water droop that had overflowed the cup, but before him there were many others. America was unlucky enough to be born too late, everyone had already established their own friendships and alliances, had chosen their enemies and he couldn't really do anything to make them become his friends. They were afraid of him, they feared for their life and made sure to keep him away from them, Hell even England only visited him from time to time as a child and he was suppose to be his caring and watchful brother. He saw Bulgaria fallowing him with a guilty look on his face, the wounds on the brunette's shoulders were still bleeding. Why would Bulgaria fallow him, just few minutes ago he was fighting tooth and nail to get away from him, what did he wanted now. Whatever it was he wasn't stopping any time soon. Finally America turned around to glare at Bulgaria.

"Why are you fallowing me?"  
"Alfred, I apologies, I can be a real jerk sometimes and if you allow me I will found a way to bring you back to normal. If it doesn't work you could do whatever you want with me."

A grin practically eliminated Alfred's angry face and pervy mental pictures of Bulgaria in maids outfit started flashing in his mind, Bulgaria just made a deal with the devil! The only thing Alfred had to do now for his kinky fantasies to come true was to subotash the other nation, but apparently he grinned a little too wide and his fake fangs few off, fallowed suit by his fake claws...right in front of Aleksander. Said nation looked at the American, then at the fake claws and fangs and then broke the nearest tree branch.

"You're not a mutant."

"Um, no Aleks I'm not, isn't that wonderful?"

"Quite, let me guess thou, you weren't the one to kill my scientists, and it was something from the lab and you used the situation to emotionally blackmail me?"

"Yes that's precisely what happened Aleks...you're not mad at me are you?"

Bulgaria gripped the tree branch tighter.

"Of course not. Say, America, was there a white cute fluffy kitty in the laboratory that could spit venom? And if there was one do I presume that you somehow killed it?"

America noted and took a step back; unfortunately for him Bulgaria didn't stop advancing towards him, holding the tree branch in a threatening fashion.

"Do you know the reason behind the creation of such animal?"

America whispered "No" and took another step back, only to find that he couldn't back out any furder because of a tree.

"Well, I'll tell you. You see I have a very...actually there isn't a word demonic enough to describe her, but the point is that I have a stepmother and she is one of the worst possible women ever born, on a second though, she is the worst. I created that kitty in hopes of destroying her, as such hellish creature cannot die, and its ashes must be throwed in sea, so she would never be able to revive herself. Anyway, now that the original assassin is dead I want you take responsibility for your stupidity and take the poor kitty's place. I'm not going to lie to you, your opponent is the most dangerous being in the world, she even made Roman Empire beg for mercy...not that the poor fellow received any, she cut his vitals quite slowly, and if his screams of utter horror were anything to go by, quite painfully as well. But you're either going to go and assassinate that woman Hitler or I'm going to use this tree branch to castrate you and after that I will throw you to her anyway. So, Alfred what do you say, get castrated now or latter?"

America gulped and pulled himself up.

"Okay, Bulgaria where is the old witch?"

Aleksander grinned, perfectly imitating the Devil, oh he almost feel bad for putting Alfred against a opponent that was hundred times stronger than the blond but the airhead had brought it upon himself by pretending to be a strange creature. If America was actually able to survive the encounter with the demon in human form and even, dare he say it, win he will still castrate him for the emotional blackmail he had just pulled. If his stepmother did her usual tricks and fighting combos the blond will be either dead or emotionally scared for the rest of his life. Either way it was a win-win situation for him. As he led the worried Alfred towards the camp he couldn't help but feel like he was some evil spirit leading a knight towards the dragon's cave and to tell the truth, just like the evil spirit he was cheering for the dragon and imagining the sweat melody of the knight's screams.  
Ya, I'm comparing Siberia to dragons now. In the next chapter Alfred is going to meet her...I wonder if I should write about her forcing him in hiding and then hunting him down or about the two of them allying to force Bulgaria to date America...so many possibilities to chose from. Please tell me which of the possibilities you like best. I'll probably update tomorrow because I have quite a lot of free time, but I make no promises. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Of Lions and Eagles

While America was led to the camp he couldn't help but feel like he was going to die. He had meet Siberia just once before...and he still had nightmares. The woman was definitely a hell spawn, an extremely dangerous one at that, but maybe he could outsmart her, just like he had outsmarted Russia that one time during the cold war. Ah, he had remembered that quite clearly. Russia and he realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They had five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. Russia found the biggest and meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them with the biggest and meanest Siberian wolves. Ivan selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings which gave him all the milk. He used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest and meanest dog the world had ever seen. It's cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, America showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for him because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds against the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of its cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American Dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left of the entire Russian dog. Ivan came up to America shaking his heads in disbelief.

"I don't understand how this could have happened. I had my best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest and meanest Siberian wolves."

Alfred had smirked at the naivety of the other nation; he could still remember it like it was yesterday.  
"That's nothing; I had my best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund!"

Alfred POV:

Too bad Russia thought that was an insult and continued the war...and to think he was the one who called me a cheater! But to get rid of Siberia I'll need something more dangerous than a disguised alligator, the bad thing this time around is that I don't even have any plastic surgeons nearby. Okay next plan, maybe I should try to drawn her? No, that won't work; she probably knows how to swim. Poison her food? No, if it was that easy Aleksander would have done this on his own years ago. Throw her in a lion's den? No, the poor lions won't stand a chance against that monster, beside that they had done nothing _that_ horrible to deserve such a cruel fate...there were no lions in the island anyway. Fight her one on one? According to Aleksander's words that was just like suicide missions and I don't want to die. Maybe if I use some puppy dog eyes on Aleks he won't make me take out his stepmother? That's not a bad idea! Now the only thing I need to do is act cute and I'm off the hook. Okay...why did Aleks stopped walking?

Normal POV:

"America, meet my stepmother. Siberia, meet the reason why you don't have any grandchildren. Now I will leave you to talk with each other."

"_**Good, son. You go back to the camp and mommy will soon fallow."**_

And indeed in front of them stood Siberia in all her icy glory and anger. To add to the angry look she was holding a bazooka in her left hand, had some sort of a long crenate belt over her shirt, a machete on her back and a machine gun in her right hand. America looked at the angry woman, then at the retreating Aleksander and started running.

Bulgaria's POV:

Oh, no fare, Alfred has run off. Poor sucker, I bet that he doesn't expects her to give chaise, but she is doing just that! Ouch, America just stepped on a landmine; Siberia was waiting to ambush him, _perfect_. He should have listen to the war advises in my black notebook, they were made mostly on the experience I got by running away from her. Oh, yes she just caught up with him and now she is trying to cut him in tiny little pieces...she just wounded him, should I do something to help Alfred? No, shows like that are rare and much wanted form of entertainment. Oh, I never knew that America could scream so high-pitched, but then again you will scream too if you had to dodge attack to the vital regions. The blond is running faster now, he actually put some distance between himself and the raging demon only to climb a tree...he is so doomed. She is now using the hand grenades to bring the tree down cursing the blond all the while; damn, it's a pity that I don't have a camera now; I would have used the video to cheer myself up on rainy days. Alfred just abounded the tree in favor of running towards a cliff and jumping from it, strange Siberia fallowed suit and pulled a sniper out of one of her pockets and from the looks of it she is aiming for the vital regions, in times like this I almost feel an emotion similar to admiration towards that woman, key word: almost. Great now I have to run towards the cliff to get a better view, why couldn't Siberia just cornered him in one place like she did to Rome? They had both fallen into the ocean and the best part is that there are many sharks swimming in it. Alfred is now swimming to the shore but Siberia is acting strange and actually trying to stay above the water. Could it be that she doesn't know how to swim? YES, THANK YOU GOD! Maybe I shouldn't be shouting and jumping around so much, but if she can't swim then she is finished! Wait why are the sharks acting so weird? What are they...oh, no the sharks organized themselves beneath the demon, and carried her on their backs all the way to the shore, safely depositing her. I forgot that even sharks show professional courtesy to their own kind; Alfred looks like he had been just hit by a thunder, that's such a funny expression on his face and incredibly adorable one at that...wait, I did not just thought that Alfred's expression is cute! This is so wrong in so many levels. Great it is official; too much time spend near Francis could make turn anyone into a pervert. Siberia just cornered Alfred, he looks so scared and I know from personal experience that Siberia never jokes about anything. What have I done, she is going to kill him! Without even realizing what I'm doing I rushed towards them and before Siberia was able to cut Alfred's head off I ran behind her and knocked her unconscious. But Alfred doesn't look so good; he has wounds practically everywhere and is bleeding quite badly, but apparently not badly enough to not smirk in my direction for coming to his rescue. Damn git, I should have left him to face his doom! He stands up and falls right back, he really shouldn't be moving.

Normal POV:  
"Hey, Aleks, could you give me a piggy-back ride; both of my feet are wounded."

Surprisingly the Bulgarian did as asked, but not without saying what was on his mind after he put the heavier nation on his back.

"Hey, Alfred, ever though about cutting on the fast food, you're heavy."

The American's response was to pinch him. When Aleksander made another snide remark America got off his back and sprinted towards the camp. Bulgaria simply fallowed him from behind with a playful smile on his face. It was no denying it; Alfred was the cutest thing ever when he was angry. The only thing that the blond needed to look any cuter was a pair of kitty ears. With ease Bulgaria caught up with him.

"Hey, don't worry, I was just joking. But, America, can we stay away from the others for a short while. You need patching up and I doubt that they have enough bandages. Come, this way."

With that Aleksander led the cute nation towards the laboratory. Upon seeing it America stopped walking.

"I refuse to be your test subject, Aleks."

With his best friendly expression Bulgaria took America's right hand and kissed it gently.

"Don't worry America, that though didn't even cross my mind. Beside that, don't you want to recover in a comfortable atmosphere instead of a hut?"

"Aleksander, I don't know about you but a laboratory is the last thing I consider a comfortable atmosphere."

"Of course it isn't, but the apartment that was build in the laboratory most certainly is. Come on, I'll even clean your wounds, don't you trust me?"

America jerked his hand and forced Bulgaria in a very awkward hug. He had pretty much figured the brunette's mind games already, they were quite childish and as far from reality as anyone could get, but then again that's precisely why they worked. To bind someone to you using his emotions was simple at first glance, but to bind them permanently was all but impossible and yet Bulgaria, throe many cat and mouse chaises had succeeded in doing just that. The most amusing part was that he probably wasn't even aiming for that result. America released Bulgaria's hand in favor of hugging him with both his hands, Aleksander returned the hug, unsure of whatever he should be trying to escape or stay this time around.

**Ya, they finally got together...kind of, but I'm aiming to make this relationship as complicated as possible, so expect more twists for the next chapter. Don't forget to review! **


End file.
